A hundread and fifty days of blogging

Wow! I never dreamt in my wildest dreams that one day, I would write about what writing has taught me. It’s amazing how things pan out and for the best. I’ve always believed in the saying, “whatever happens, happens for the good.” As time passed by, my belief in it only became stronger. Yes, there were times when I wondered for months, even years, that what was good in a particular situation that brought me so much pain, sorrow and sufferings. But all I could do was believe in what I believed in, get through the bad time and hope for the good. Sometimes I have been shown the good in the situation and sometimes I haven’t been that lucky to see the silver lining. But either way, both the good and bad time has passed and I’d like to believe that I have come out of it, stronger and wiser. As much as I hate watching everything fall apart around me (when it does) and that fear, of how hard it’s going to be to get out of it, (considering you have visited those depths before) results in a freefall of emotions and you double as a magnet that now attracts negative energy.

Ignorance is bliss. Not knowing the extreme of how much something can pull you down is actually a boon. Because when you know, how much a situation can have an (negative) impact on you, you are aware of what you have to go through and the amount of effort you have to make to get out of it. The higher the impact, the deeper the trench and the more effort and conviction required from your side to pull yourself out of it.

Having said all that, the beauty of the situation is that my bad times have taught me so much more than my good times have. I can actually say that my good times have taught me nothing really (except to be thankful for), when compared to the times that I dreaded being exposed to. Isn’t that amazing? How life compels you to be thankful for everything that you experience, both good and bad, especially the bad. It makes you the unique person you are. Your ability to rise after you fall, gives that exclusiveness to your personality. That exclusivity that every human being is designed to achieve in their life. The environment that all of us are exposed to, is the same but, the impact that it has on each of us, differentiates one from another.

The last 6 months have been surreal to say the least, regards to blogging in particular. My journey began when people close to me encouraged me, to take up writing seriously. By seriously they meant that I should have a place where all my ideas and opinions can be housed and that would make them accessible for whoever it appealed to.

I have always been that person to whom, reading and writing never appealed. On the contrary I have disliked writing essays and creative writing since junior school and reading was only restricted to books that helped me attain formal education. I was (still am) poor in spellings. So bad, that I avoided writing tasks as much as I could. Therefore, my spellings became worse, my grammar suffered and this spiralled into other languages as well. I was convinced that I could never be an author, writer or even a blogger for that matter, along with a hundred other professions that required physics and math. *_*

Today, when I have a blog where I consistently post articles of various kind and receive compliments such as, “You write so well”, “I love reading your articles” and “Going through your blog is bliss”, I have absolutely nothing to say. I am unable to believe that such compliments and appreciation is directed towards me and my work. “My Work”? Dear God! Who would have thought that one day I could actually refer to my jibber jabber as “work.” O_O

My mother has suggested that I have a blog for years now. I never once took her seriously. Rather I believed she was crazy (Sorry Ma) to even think of such a thing let alone suggest it, umpteen numbers of times. To me it was not only a bizarre suggestion, but also a terrifying one! Yes, I might have something nice to say sometimes, I might even have an opinion that is different from others but I am in no position to put it into writing for people to read! That requires flair, and a command over the language, which I don’t possess Ma! And a hundred and fifty days back, her daughter took a step she has been waiting for years. Mothers are made to believe in their children and their potential. We don’t take it seriously until a third party starts to second that same potential. So thank you!

My passion for movies mixed with my emotional quotient of feeling (anything and everything) extremely, has resulted in me having strong opinions about things that people only consider a mode of entertainment. For me a movie is not just entertainment or fun, it’s the time that I’m allowing myself to be taken on an experience. You can say I am most open or vulnerable when I’m watching a movie because I see it as an opportunity to feel and experience things I haven’t in my life. It’s an opportunity to revisit the emotions that I have gone through if I’m shown something that I have been exposed to.

Be it the characters, their back story, places, situations, emotions, conflicts and how they are resolved, just everything! I try to learn and understand life, through films. Maybe it sounds crazy, but to a person who has cringed at the thought of reading her whole life, visual media was the only source (that I enjoyed) of learning.  The negative of that was that my eye sight suffered, and glasses in junior school was social death! Of course now I think they make me look smarter than I actually am. But the positive of that was my observation skills grew, and fast. Which is why, in my reviews I analyse the smallest of things and make sure that it’s being given the importance that it was initially thought of while making the film which most of the time is lost in the big picture.

In the recent past my blog has received a lot of traffic and I find myself constantly pushing my abilities and testing my potential with every article. Initially I believed that it was hard in the beginning because I was new to writing and hoped that with every piece it’ll get easier. But man I was so wrong. Every article that I write takes more time, more effort and more pushing from my side than the previous one. It feels so good when you are appreciated for your work and people start to look forward to your articles. It definitely satisfies the ego I’ll tell you that!

But it also puts tremendous amount of pressure on you to deliver, every single time. Whether the movie is good or bad, the review has to be amazing. It has to be objective, free from any personal bias, interesting, fun to read and also give an idea of what the movie is like. That is quite an expectation. So much so that I’ve been asked to watch movies that are known to be crappy and review them!

To quote Ego, who played a famous food critique in the inspiring film Ratatouille, “In many ways, the work of a critic is easy. We risk very little, yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work and their selves to our judgement. We thrive on negative criticism which is fun to write and read. But the bitter truth we critics must face is that in the grand scheme of things, the average piece of junk is probably more meaningful than our criticism designating it so. But there are times when the critic truly risks something, and that is in the discovery and the defence of the new. The world is often unkind to new talent, new creations. The new needs friends.”

I would not consider myself a critic or any person important whose words change the decisions of people, for or against, a movie. But, it definitely puts me in a spot where I have the potential to influence that decision, and yesterday for my last review, I was made to realize that it’s more than just potential. It’s a possibility. And to be very frank, it scares me.

A friend of mine responded regarding my review for the movie Humpty Sharma ki Dulhania and said, “I just gave away my tickets. Thanks for saving my life.”

When I read that, I just couldn’t believe it (More so because I haven’t come across a negative review). I went through it over and over again. I was shocked. I logged out without giving her a reply. For the first time, since I started reviewing films, I felt that my reviews have the possibility of influencing somebody’s decision. It was normal for people to tell me, “Oh good! I don’t have to bother watching it” Or “saved us the trouble, thanks!” But this, this was giving away tickets. Though eventually not going for a film or giving away purchased tickets is pretty much the same thing, but the power to influence a decision that was already taken, and change it completely at the very end, freaked me out.

It might sound ridiculous but I gave it A LOT of thought and gave myself a hard time. It just got me thinking that if you had not encouraged me initially and instead of supporting had started to pick on me, my spellings, the errors in my grammar, I would never be here, writing and sparklingwaterblog would have never come up. Not that this would change my opinion about the above mentioned movie, I would have liked to be a little less harsh towards the new director, giving him the benefit of doubt.

My mother always says, never write or say something when you are upset. I have quite a temper and this would be her advice to me every time I lost my cool. You know how things have a much larger impact when they are written instead of just said verbally. It’s because you find it staring at you and that can be quite painful if it’s something mean or negative. And the worst part, it stays on until it’s destroyed. It’s a conflict of interest that I’m going through I guess but that would never make a negative opinion a positive one. Well it’s for time to tell how my reviews change or not but today I would thank all the people associated with the films I have reviewed on this blog, especially the bad ones, as they are responsible for my little found niche. Thank you so much. Without you being bad, I wouldn’t be considered good. This was the good that came out of watching trashy films and go through all that torture.  So again, I’m thankful for the bad times and what they brought with them- learning and my confidence writing.

With great power, comes great responsibility. Well, with miniscule power, comes miniscule responsibility. Up till now, all my reviews have been driven by how I feel at the end of watching a film. I’m an emotional writer and if I feel really strongly about something, good or bad, it will show on paper. I will continue to write the same way even in the future, but maybe not as harsh as before. What I realised yesterday was that I can’t let my emotions control me completely. I should use them as a source to get my basic idea, but they shouldn’t over power the positives aspects of the film. For the first time I thought I was harsh, when it didn’t quite deserve it.

I have studied audio video production for a year, in detail, and I know the magnitude of work and effort that goes into making, even the worst film. And the fact that we just write it off in a micro second is, yes, ruthless. That doesn’t mean we don’t criticise them, but should also appreciate the effort that has gone into it. Watching a movie in a multiplex nowadays is a very expensive affair and you feel cheated when the film is trashy, but like I mentioned in Ego’s quote earlier, “the new needs friends.”

I’m learning and growing every day, with every movie I watch, and with every article I write. I’ll just take care that my review gives the concerned person (specially a new comer) the benefit of doubt.

So today, on the hundred and fifty first day, I take this opportunity, to thank you from the bottom of my heart, for all the support and encouragement and for showing so much faith in me. Thank you for overlooking the number of mistakes I have made, and sometimes also correcting them so kindly, instead of holding them against me. Even though it is extremely overwhelming for me to know that my writings do influence the reader, in however small way possible, I promise to take that into account from the next review onwards.